Pregnancy Randomness and Rants of a Hormonal Mom #1

Let's face it, as women in general we are very random human beings and do tend to go on some ranting venues every blue (or just full) moon.  Myself, I bottle things up for the most part and don't say anything until I am at a breaking point, which typically scares the crap out of my family.  I'm not alone in this, I know several of you are chuckling and nodding your heads.  You know exactly what I'm talking about.

With pregnancy, those blasted hormones get in the way of all normal thinking.  What would be a "normal" breaking point becomes close to the definition of what it takes to get admitted to a psych  ward.  This weekend for example, my 8 year old is mad because I won't let her have her way, so she says she is running away to Nana's.  Usually, I would just get ill, have a nice little talking to with her, and be over it.  Actually, I usually end up in a battle of the wits with her which drives me INSANE.  But, she gets it honest.  This time, I go to my husband and say "I'm just not speaking to her the rest of the day.  I can't say or do anything right with her so I'm just not talking to her."  Okay, childish much momma?  If that wasn't bad enough, I start sobbing uncontrollably because she has hurt my feelings.  (I already have a little complex that she loves her Nana more than me--again, I know I'm not the only mom with this feeling!)  So what do I do?  Lock myself in the bathroom.

I absolutely hate more than anything to cry.  Very few movies make me cry and most of the ones that do are for good tears.  Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman?  OMG the church scene near the end will have me flowing like a waterfall.  Love that movie.  But, if you make me mad enough to cry, or my feelings get hurt enough to cry, then Lord help us all.  And the feelings thing, usually has only occurred during pregnancy.  At least since I've become an adult.  If I cry, then I get furious with myself for crying.  And I am probably going to cry on and off the rest of the day because of it.

So then my daughter gets upset that she has upset me.  My husband, mom, and mother in law all agree that it wasn't a bad thing that it upset her.  My loving 8 year old doesn't think about other people's feelings a lot of times so maybe this was an eye opener.  (The Nana thing has been used on more than just me, more than once, and enough times to hurt multiple feelings.)  While I agree that maybe it ended up being a good thing, it made me feel like worst mom of the year.  MOM'S GONE CRAZY! Yep, that's me.

My poor husband would rather me be a start raving lunatic than for me to cry.  He can laugh when I'm going on a tangent, or figure out what to do to calm me down and help.  But crying.  Nope.  I don't think any man knows what to do with a crying woman.  Honestly, neither do I!

Okay so that's my soap box for the day.  I won't even get started on how bad the house looks and how I may have to hire a cleaning crew even though there are 3 other very capable beings in this house to help me out that just don't get it.  That's all for now.

Happy Hump Day people!

Amy

Halfway There! Ultrasound Says....Marginal Placenta Previa

Tomorrow marks the 20 week bump!  We are halfway there and it's hard to believe.  This past Monday we had our gender revealing ultrasound.  Based on heart rate of 145 the past few visits, how low I'm carrying, and the fact that I look like I've swallowed a basketball instead of the Pillsbury Dough Boy, we all thought I was having a boy.  So when the nurse said, GIRL, I had to do a double take and question her!  Another girl!!!  Happy dance!

Don't get me wrong, I'd be just as happy with another hotwheel toting, Thomas the Train loving, Lightning McQueen fanatic.  However, I can't make as many cute clothes for a boy as I can a girl.  I didn't start sewing until my little diva was 2, and by then she was already highly opinionated in what she wore.  And hair bows?  Forget it.  It's all I can do to get her to brush her hair.  She's a tomboy priss pot, just like I was.  What's going to be really exciting is making all 3 of them matching outfits for Christmas.  As long as I can find a Christmas pattern that is gender neutral. :-)

We didn't see a doctor on Monday and were told we have to wait until our next appointment on August 1st to review the ultrasound.  As luck would have it though, I ended up fighting a sore throat that only got worse and I had to go back in yesterday.  That's when the doctor told me I have what is known as "marginal placenta previa".  Apparently the placenta is sitting partially over the cervix right now, but he hopes that as the baby grows, the placenta will move up to where it is supposed to be.  Of course I asked him, what if it doesn't?  If it becomes complete or even partial, we are looking at a C-section.  Not what I wanted to hear.

I had very little complications during my prior two child births.  They were both long: 13 hours and 11 hours.  With my first, the umbilical cord was too close to her neck and with every contraction it caused her heart rate to decrease.  They had to put fluid back in me to get her floating.  Because of this, I only received one small round of pain meds in the very beginning.  I was a total She-Ra.  No epidural. 

My water broke with my son 5 weeks early.  The contractions were slim and I was not dilating quick enough, so they gave me Petocin.  Had I know ahead of time what Petocin did, I would have demanded an epidural first.  Instead, I endured about over half the labor with intense pain.  I tucked my tail between my legs and got the epidural.

I really do not want a C-Section. The recovery is longer, half the time or more there is a big gaping scar, complications that can arise.  I just don't want one.

But, I am putting this, like everything else, in God's hands and asking for His will to be done.  I'm trying to look at the plus sides to a C-Section.  1), because this is not my first child, I stand a higher chance of them tying my tubes while in there. 2), I can hopefully choose my due date.  If so, then I choose the day before Thanksgiving, giving me extra time off work-paid.  Now, if they would do a Britney Spears bikini cut C-Section, that might be okay too.

Time will tell.  I go for a follow up ultrasound in 6 weeks to see if it's moved at all.  I'm not sure if bed rest will be required if it becomes a complete placenta previa.  That's the only thing I've allowed myself to read about.  Most women that have posted on the subject has been complete split reviews.  Some say they were on complete, some on "couch potato" bed rest, and some their doctors thought no activity was actually worse.  The doctor warned me not to read into it too much, it might freak me out more than necessary.  So we'll take this one bridge at a time.

I'll update again after the next ultrasound, and in between if anything else arises.  Hope you all are enjoying your summer!

Amy

First Trimester Completed!

Finally, we are done with the first trimester and entering the second.  Now, where's that magic button that changes the symptoms and such immediately with it?  It doesn't exist?  Very unfair.

One thing that has improved is the extreme nausea.  Of course the urge to eat hasn't died down any, but a few extra calories are needed.  I eat a small breakfast, usually an early lunch, snack in the afternoon and eat more than I should for supper.  It works and my weight gain is pretty much on track.  So far, I have gained a total of about 7 pounds, but that's after loosing about 4.  Not too bad, even though if you saw my belly you might disagree.  I'm not brave enough to post those photos yet, but soon.

One thing that I wish would improve is my lack of patience.  They said "patience is a virtue".  What the crap does that mean anyway??  It's a characteristic one either has or learns that allows them to patiently await something without agitation or frustration.   Yeah....not happening these days.  I can patiently wait for my 2 children to stop ignoring me and do what I ask of them rather than begging/pleading/screaming and smile all day like Mary Friggin Poppins.  Or deal with ignorant drivers that are trying to kill me speeding up and down the highway.  Let me just start singing "zipadeedooda".

Are you laughing yet?  I'm sure my little rant is quite funny, but ask my hubby, don't laugh in my presence when I'm in a wild tangent. 

The nausea has subsided for the most part, but I'm still tired.  I have a little more energy during the day but when I crash, I CRASH.  Getting up is getting harder and harder, but thankfully school just let out for summer and I can get an extra hour to an hour and a half of sleep in the mornings.  IF my bladder will let me.

Another oh so fun side effect right now is acid reflux.  I swear I don't know which is worse: constant pain from heartburn/indigestion, or the urge to puke continuously due to the reflux.  Bring on the ice cream.

Rant over.  More soon!
Thanks for sticking around or just stopping by.  Hopefully my little chaotic world will bring some much needed laughter in to yours.

Amy

Patience and Stress During Pregnacy

A lack of patience and high stress levels are not good for anyone, much less a pregnant woman.  I wonder why it is that we can get so wound up?  Hormones.  Always those blasted hormones.  There should be a hormone blocker we could take.

Typically I'm high strung, but, how do I put it, I don't have confrontations with people.  I take and take and take and then I might eventually blow, but it takes A LOT.  I'm high strung when it comes to housework, school work, getting everything done in a 24 hour period that would normally require double that.  But I don't get "ill" with people.

Case in point.  I went off like a bat out of you know where today on my co-workers.  One little statement put me over the edge.  Half the time I can't tell if they are joking or being smartelics but I take it.  I don't let things get me worked up.  I hate confrontation and typically feel so bad if I have one that I can't sleep at night.  I'm a small town girl working with big city girls.  I'm the red headed step child and constantly picked on.  Whatever, we have fun with it.  Most of the time.  Today was not the day.

So, now what do we do to calm these raging hormones? Go for a walk?  Read a book?  Find a quiet place?  I have 2 children already, a husband, dog, cat and a farm.  There is NO QUIET PLACE.  My husband works 2nd shift so I'm here most nights with the kids by myself when I get off work.  I can't afford a babysitter and when all the family members work, no one wants to watch the kids for me.  So I can't have any "quiet time" to cool down.  It used to be that doing my crafts calmed me down, but everything is so chaotic.  If I can't do my crafts without interruption then I just get stressed all over again. 

Everything I read on Baby Center talks about saying "No" and asking for help, talking to your partner (ha! he's probably more stressed than you are!!), deep breathing, go for a walk, go to bed early, eat healthy, yada yada.  Look, it's not that I'm not trying.  I am eating healthy and I'm "talking" to my husband (and he seems to be getting more and more terrified of me by the day), but as far as going to be early?  I'm lucky if I can get in the bed before midnight.  I would love to go to bed earlier but it never happens.  By the time I get the kids down, and back in bed, and fill up sippy cups, and back in bed, then fix dinner for my husband (who gets home usually after they are in bed), get my shower and lay down...it's midnight. 

So, I'm looking for some "let's get real here" techniques to calming down.  Actually, typing this little blog here has already seemed to have lowered my heart rate back to normal.  Maybe just having a place to vent is what you need.  I'm going to put this as my number one way to calm stress:

Journaling

Whether it be a blog, a notebook, a diary, just pick something.  After it's all said and done you may want to go back and read it one day for a good laugh.  Or, save it for a daughter or one day daughter in law.  Man, I wish my mom would have kept journals.  It would be nice to see what she went through and how she did it.  Or, if you are more private, toss it when you're done. 

Okay I know this got kind of long and there are no fun pictures to look at.  But if you are sticking with me on this (or find it years to come), I hope you are enjoying.  I'd love to hear from you on ways to maintain your stress levels.  I'm up for any option!

Amy

Follow Up Ultrasound 10 Weeks

While I was secretly hoping there was a mistake and I was still caring twins, this was not the case.  However, it was still good news.  Baby #1 is growing right on track!  The arms and legs are even starting to develop!  It was an amazing moment, the one I have been waiting for.  Hearing that heartbeat, seeing the baby move around and discovering just how much growing has taken place over the past couple of weeks. 

Baby #2 has absorbed just as they predicted.  You can see just a tiny fleck in the 2nd sac that is still present.  The sac will more than likely stick around through out the pregnancy, although it shouldn't get any larger.  This is part of the reason I look so much bigger than 11 weeks.

11 WEEKS!!

Almost out of this dreaded 1st Trimester business.  I'm hoping to enjoy the 2nd trimester.  Typically the energy starts picking back up, you feel more of a safety zone, and you get to find out the gender!  Now that's something I'm really excited for.  I can't wait to start planning everything.  I already have colors picked out for a boy and for a girl.  No specific theme this time though.  Just simple.

Another good bit of news, the OB told me I can gradually start increasing my activity as long as I feel okay.  I go back in 3 weeks for a follow up and then I can go to regular monthly visits from there.  I already feel like such a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.  I know that I am going to have to be more cautious this entire pregnancy but,  I believe God has this and will not bring me to anything that He cannot bring me through.  It's still hard not to think about what might have been with twins, but I keep trying to focus on the good and the fact that I have a healthy baby growing in my tummy right now.  We got this!

Look for more updates to come!  Thank you all for your continued prayers!

Amy

Second Ultra Sound Today

In 2 hours and 30 minutes to be exact.  This is my first ultra sound since finding out about one of the twins not surviving.  I'm more optimistic this go round, even though I'm extremely anxious and nervous.  I'm really hoping this will be my shinning moment to relish my new baby bambino growing in my tummy. 

I will try to post again tonight the outcome and any new information I am able to obtain.  I have a long list of questions for my OB that I didn't get to discuss at my last visit.  I'm already experiencing similar pain that I had with my son, all that pressure and the pysotic (sp?) nerve.  I went grocery shopping the other night and by the time I got home I could hardly walk.  I really hope this pregnancy will not be as painful as the last one was.  But that's a story for another day.

Keep us in your prayers!

Amy

10 Weeks and Counting

Officially 10 weeks today and counting down to the next appointment.  Back to the OB on Thursday afternoon for the follow up ultrasound.  After the first ultrasound didn't go so well, I really need this one.  You need that first one to confirm what you already know: that you're pregnant, but it sort of makes it all more a reality.  Since my appointment was split news, I never really got my "a ha!" moment or moment of joy.  Looking forward to Thursday.

Right now I'm trying not to over think things and just be patient.  I have a nasty sinus infection and I really hope they can put me on some type of antibiotic when I go.  I'd go early to the doctor, but there is no chance of an earlier ultrasound, so I'm holding out as long as I can. 

I'll update by Friday with the results.  Please keep us in your prayers!

Amy