Once home from the hospital, I had to find my groove to deal with the pain and discomfort, along with being a mother and wife. I slept on the couch for another 3 months. I found that trying to sit up or roll over to get out of the bed was very painful and pulled muscles I didn't know existed. By sleeping on the couch, I could prop on one side, then grab the back couch cushions to hoist myself up. Still much better than the hospital bed was. It didn't matter how many buttons I pressed trying to maneuver that bed to get me out of it, nothing felt good at all.
For the graphic part: it was exactly one week from giving birth and having the surgery before I could use the bathroom. I thought I was dying all over again. Sharp, cutting gas pains would come and go as I tried to go. This lasted for about 2 weeks. But once the gas pain started releasing (and that would be quite comical), then I started feeling pain from the surgery. It was bearable, but uncomfortable. Like intense PMS pain. Ibuprofen took care of it and I never had to take any of the hard pain medicine thankfully. I remember discussing my surgery with a family member that had already been through the hysterectomy. I told her it felt like my insides had been rearranged. Apparently this was exactly the case, and my OB confirmed in a future visit. A lot of other organs are in the way of your lady parts, and have to be pulled out to get to them, then stuffed back in. Call me the Thanksgiving turkey! I was also told that some women would feel better at around 8 weeks, it could be 12 weeks to 6 months. Now I can say I believe them.
Gradually I started feeling more myself. At 3 months Bug started sleeping through the night and that helped even more. I couldn't believe how hard it was in the beginning, getting up and down for feedings, feeding the other 2 kiddos, and trying to take care of myself. The OB prepared me for a longer than normal healing process due to the fact that I was starting all over with a baby again too.
Every day that I felt better, I pushed myself just a little farther. An extra load of laundry. Run the vacuum (not the best idea), sweep, clean up something. At 4 months I helped my husband move some light furniture. Something I would have done on my own before. The next day, I FELT IT. I could not believe that I could still feel so sore. My incision healed nicely, but there was tenderness and feeling like I had pulled something. I had to, and still have to, learn my limits.
It's hard to believe that it has been 5 months already. I feel closer to normal than I have in a long time now, but I still have days that I know I have over done myself. I was supposed to go back to work at 8 weeks post, but the company I work for did a layoff. While things have been tight financially, God blessed me at the same time. The extra time has done wonders for my recovery physically and emotionally. I am enjoying every minute of being a new mom again, and being able to do more with my 9 and 6 year old. I haven't missed the first school function, during or after school hours. There have been times I thought I was going to go insane of course, what mom doesn't feel that way? I've been spring cleaning for over a month, going room to room cleaning out and organizing. Something I've never found the time to do. I'm taking a nap with the Bug most days, even if it's just for a hour, while it's just she and I at home. I'm going to Bible studies every other week and taking the kids back to church. I've also made the time to visit with friends and family more.
Life is precious, we all know that. But if you have ever had that life dangle, yours or a loved one's, then you know how true that statement is. I feel like I have been through Hell in a canoe with a broken paddle, but I made it out to the other side. Sometimes I believe we have to go through these hard and challenging times to become stronger people, and grow our relationship with God. I know that has been the case with me.
Things are really getting fun with this silly little girl. New experiences every day. I hope to blog more about these experiences and bring you the nitty gritty, sometimes not pretty, truth to what I see.
So go fix a cup of coffee and come back and see me soon.
Amy
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