A lack of patience and high stress levels are not good for anyone, much less a pregnant woman. I wonder why it is that we can get so wound up? Hormones. Always those blasted hormones. There should be a hormone blocker we could take.
Typically I'm high strung, but, how do I put it, I don't have confrontations with people. I take and take and take and then I might eventually blow, but it takes A LOT. I'm high strung when it comes to housework, school work, getting everything done in a 24 hour period that would normally require double that. But I don't get "ill" with people.
Case in point. I went off like a bat out of you know where today on my co-workers. One little statement put me over the edge. Half the time I can't tell if they are joking or being smartelics but I take it. I don't let things get me worked up. I hate confrontation and typically feel so bad if I have one that I can't sleep at night. I'm a small town girl working with big city girls. I'm the red headed step child and constantly picked on. Whatever, we have fun with it. Most of the time. Today was not the day.
So, now what do we do to calm these raging hormones? Go for a walk? Read a book? Find a quiet place? I have 2 children already, a husband, dog, cat and a farm. There is NO QUIET PLACE. My husband works 2nd shift so I'm here most nights with the kids by myself when I get off work. I can't afford a babysitter and when all the family members work, no one wants to watch the kids for me. So I can't have any "quiet time" to cool down. It used to be that doing my crafts calmed me down, but everything is so chaotic. If I can't do my crafts without interruption then I just get stressed all over again.
Everything I read on Baby Center talks about saying "No" and asking for help, talking to your partner (ha! he's probably more stressed than you are!!), deep breathing, go for a walk, go to bed early, eat healthy, yada yada. Look, it's not that I'm not trying. I am eating healthy and I'm "talking" to my husband (and he seems to be getting more and more terrified of me by the day), but as far as going to be early? I'm lucky if I can get in the bed before midnight. I would love to go to bed earlier but it never happens. By the time I get the kids down, and back in bed, and fill up sippy cups, and back in bed, then fix dinner for my husband (who gets home usually after they are in bed), get my shower and lay down...it's midnight.
So, I'm looking for some "let's get real here" techniques to calming down. Actually, typing this little blog here has already seemed to have lowered my heart rate back to normal. Maybe just having a place to vent is what you need. I'm going to put this as my number one way to calm stress:
Journaling
Whether it be a blog, a notebook, a diary, just pick something. After it's all said and done you may want to go back and read it one day for a good laugh. Or, save it for a daughter or one day daughter in law. Man, I wish my mom would have kept journals. It would be nice to see what she went through and how she did it. Or, if you are more private, toss it when you're done.
Okay I know this got kind of long and there are no fun pictures to look at. But if you are sticking with me on this (or find it years to come), I hope you are enjoying. I'd love to hear from you on ways to maintain your stress levels. I'm up for any option!
Amy
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
Follow Up Ultrasound 10 Weeks
While I was secretly hoping there was a mistake and I was still caring twins, this was not the case. However, it was still good news. Baby #1 is growing right on track! The arms and legs are even starting to develop! It was an amazing moment, the one I have been waiting for. Hearing that heartbeat, seeing the baby move around and discovering just how much growing has taken place over the past couple of weeks.
Baby #2 has absorbed just as they predicted. You can see just a tiny fleck in the 2nd sac that is still present. The sac will more than likely stick around through out the pregnancy, although it shouldn't get any larger. This is part of the reason I look so much bigger than 11 weeks.
11 WEEKS!!
Almost out of this dreaded 1st Trimester business. I'm hoping to enjoy the 2nd trimester. Typically the energy starts picking back up, you feel more of a safety zone, and you get to find out the gender! Now that's something I'm really excited for. I can't wait to start planning everything. I already have colors picked out for a boy and for a girl. No specific theme this time though. Just simple.
Another good bit of news, the OB told me I can gradually start increasing my activity as long as I feel okay. I go back in 3 weeks for a follow up and then I can go to regular monthly visits from there. I already feel like such a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I know that I am going to have to be more cautious this entire pregnancy but, I believe God has this and will not bring me to anything that He cannot bring me through. It's still hard not to think about what might have been with twins, but I keep trying to focus on the good and the fact that I have a healthy baby growing in my tummy right now. We got this!
Look for more updates to come! Thank you all for your continued prayers!
Amy
Baby #2 has absorbed just as they predicted. You can see just a tiny fleck in the 2nd sac that is still present. The sac will more than likely stick around through out the pregnancy, although it shouldn't get any larger. This is part of the reason I look so much bigger than 11 weeks.
11 WEEKS!!
Almost out of this dreaded 1st Trimester business. I'm hoping to enjoy the 2nd trimester. Typically the energy starts picking back up, you feel more of a safety zone, and you get to find out the gender! Now that's something I'm really excited for. I can't wait to start planning everything. I already have colors picked out for a boy and for a girl. No specific theme this time though. Just simple.
Another good bit of news, the OB told me I can gradually start increasing my activity as long as I feel okay. I go back in 3 weeks for a follow up and then I can go to regular monthly visits from there. I already feel like such a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I know that I am going to have to be more cautious this entire pregnancy but, I believe God has this and will not bring me to anything that He cannot bring me through. It's still hard not to think about what might have been with twins, but I keep trying to focus on the good and the fact that I have a healthy baby growing in my tummy right now. We got this!
Look for more updates to come! Thank you all for your continued prayers!
Amy
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Second Ultra Sound Today
In 2 hours and 30 minutes to be exact. This is my first ultra sound since finding out about one of the twins not surviving. I'm more optimistic this go round, even though I'm extremely anxious and nervous. I'm really hoping this will be my shinning moment to relish my new baby bambino growing in my tummy.
I will try to post again tonight the outcome and any new information I am able to obtain. I have a long list of questions for my OB that I didn't get to discuss at my last visit. I'm already experiencing similar pain that I had with my son, all that pressure and the pysotic (sp?) nerve. I went grocery shopping the other night and by the time I got home I could hardly walk. I really hope this pregnancy will not be as painful as the last one was. But that's a story for another day.
Keep us in your prayers!
Amy
I will try to post again tonight the outcome and any new information I am able to obtain. I have a long list of questions for my OB that I didn't get to discuss at my last visit. I'm already experiencing similar pain that I had with my son, all that pressure and the pysotic (sp?) nerve. I went grocery shopping the other night and by the time I got home I could hardly walk. I really hope this pregnancy will not be as painful as the last one was. But that's a story for another day.
Keep us in your prayers!
Amy
Monday, May 13, 2013
10 Weeks and Counting
Officially 10 weeks today and counting down to the next appointment. Back to the OB on Thursday afternoon for the follow up ultrasound. After the first ultrasound didn't go so well, I really need this one. You need that first one to confirm what you already know: that you're pregnant, but it sort of makes it all more a reality. Since my appointment was split news, I never really got my "a ha!" moment or moment of joy. Looking forward to Thursday.
Right now I'm trying not to over think things and just be patient. I have a nasty sinus infection and I really hope they can put me on some type of antibiotic when I go. I'd go early to the doctor, but there is no chance of an earlier ultrasound, so I'm holding out as long as I can.
I'll update by Friday with the results. Please keep us in your prayers!
Amy
Right now I'm trying not to over think things and just be patient. I have a nasty sinus infection and I really hope they can put me on some type of antibiotic when I go. I'd go early to the doctor, but there is no chance of an earlier ultrasound, so I'm holding out as long as I can.
I'll update by Friday with the results. Please keep us in your prayers!
Amy
Monday, May 6, 2013
9 Weeks Today
Today marks 9 weeks into the pregnancy. Another week and 3 days until I can go back for my next ultra sound. Yes, I am most definitely counting down. There is this part of me that is praying and begging for the last ultra sound to be a mistake. Is it possible to be carrying babies that are a couple weeks apart? Rare, but possible. It's called Superfetation. You can already be pregnant and another egg release, and it can happen up to 24 days apart. Which my doctor agreed was possible, but she couldn't find a heart beat on the ultra sound. I'm wondering though, if it was just too early to tell?
I'm trying real hard not to get my hopes up about this. The main thing is focusing on Baby #1 being as healthy as he/she can be.
I'm also secretly hoping that there is a 3rd baby in there that was missed. The reason I am hoping this is completely crazy I'm sure. Have you ever done the "pencil test"? I grew up where you put a threaded needle in the eraser end of a pencil, then hold the pointed end of the pencil over your wrist. It begins to move. A circle means girl, back and forth is a boy. Mine shows girl, pause, boy, pause a little longer and then girl-immediately goes to boy. I wonder if this means actually births or just pregnancy? Anyone ever experience this? Am I just reaching out on a limb so far it's going to break?
Graciously looking for any advice or experience anyone out there may have had. Trying not to drive myself completely insane before the next appointment!
Amy
I'm trying real hard not to get my hopes up about this. The main thing is focusing on Baby #1 being as healthy as he/she can be.
I'm also secretly hoping that there is a 3rd baby in there that was missed. The reason I am hoping this is completely crazy I'm sure. Have you ever done the "pencil test"? I grew up where you put a threaded needle in the eraser end of a pencil, then hold the pointed end of the pencil over your wrist. It begins to move. A circle means girl, back and forth is a boy. Mine shows girl, pause, boy, pause a little longer and then girl-immediately goes to boy. I wonder if this means actually births or just pregnancy? Anyone ever experience this? Am I just reaching out on a limb so far it's going to break?
Graciously looking for any advice or experience anyone out there may have had. Trying not to drive myself completely insane before the next appointment!
Amy
Friday, May 3, 2013
The First Ultrasound and The Heartbreak
Okay, let me first start this out by saying that I am still pregnant. But our first ultrasound did not go as planned.
The night before I couldn't sleep good at all. From 3:30 a.m. on I looked at the clock every 15 minutes. Our appointment was at 8:30 and we were told to be there 15 minutes early, but they didn't even open until 8:30. There were 4 other cars in the parking lot by the time they opened the doors and I was the first one standing at the door. My husband said, "we're never on time, much less early. What's gotten in to you?" I was just anxious.
I knew, without a doubt, that it was twins. But I also had a nagging feeling something was wrong. That's not something I said out loud to anyone though because family would have questioned me to death. I couldn't explain it if I wanted to. A mom just knows.
We spent the first half hour of the appointment going over the insurance information, finding out that our insurance deductible is way too high (and that will be changed at renewal next year) and that we have to make payments of almost $300 for the first 3 months. Seriously? Like most families, we live paycheck to paycheck. Trying to figure out how to pay this is going to get interesting, but we will make it work someway, somehow. Next, I spent a half hour doing all the labs: pee in a cup and then let them take enough blood to quench a Cullen's appetite for two days. Next, move to another room and wait for the ultrasound machine to be ready.
10 a.m. we are finally in the ultrasound room. I casually joke with my midwife about how every one's talking about it being twins. She finds the baby and moves the magic wand to get a better look and wait-is that? Could it be? I was sitting straight up on the table and she's looking at me with big eyes and says "Do you see?" I am beaming and asking, "Is it? Is it really twins??" She tells me to hang tight a minute and let her get the doctor. I start hysterically laughing saying "Holy S-" and my husband is shushing me and laughing too. I couldn't help it.
In comes the doctor smiling as well. Let's take another look.
Baby number 1 is right on target: 8 weeks and 1 day, perfect size, perfectly strong heart rate of 173.
Baby number 2 is small. Measuring in at 6 weeks, 3 days and no heart beat. It had simply stopped growing and was no longer alive.
I.was.crushed.
From overjoyed five minutes earlier to feeling like someone had just reached inside my chest and pulled my heart straight out and was squeezing it. How? Why? Sometimes this just happens, they said. Everything looks great with baby number 1 though so I shouldn't worry.
What happens now? The doctor said because it is so early in the pregnancy, my body should just absorb the other baby. They are in two separate sacs so one should not affect the other. Let's do a follow up in two weeks. Yes, I am at a higher rate for a miscarriage now, but everything looks fine. Once we reach the 12 week mark then all worry should subside.
So they say.
I called my parents, then my co-workers. I was barely audible when I spoke. Everyone asked me if I was okay, and I gave a blunt and teary NO. My midwife said, "I'm going to tell you I'm sorry, and congratulations. Everything is going to be okay." I really want to believe that.
I spent the greater part of the day sobbing my eyes out. There was no history of miscarriage in my family and I had never had a miscarriage. I hadn't done anything wrong. It just happens sometimes. No real explanation. That didn't make me feel any better. I want answers.
My husband and I talked about it throughout the day. We both agreed it was better to find out now instead of later. We also both agreed that this is God's will, and while we don't understand it, we have to accept that He has a plan for us and everything is going to be okay.
On May 16th I will go back for an ultrasound. We are praying that everything with Baby number 1 is still right on target. In the meantime I will begin some research that I hope to share with you in the coming weeks on this.
I would love your feedback. Have you ever been through a similar situation or known anyone who has?
Amy
The night before I couldn't sleep good at all. From 3:30 a.m. on I looked at the clock every 15 minutes. Our appointment was at 8:30 and we were told to be there 15 minutes early, but they didn't even open until 8:30. There were 4 other cars in the parking lot by the time they opened the doors and I was the first one standing at the door. My husband said, "we're never on time, much less early. What's gotten in to you?" I was just anxious.
I knew, without a doubt, that it was twins. But I also had a nagging feeling something was wrong. That's not something I said out loud to anyone though because family would have questioned me to death. I couldn't explain it if I wanted to. A mom just knows.
We spent the first half hour of the appointment going over the insurance information, finding out that our insurance deductible is way too high (and that will be changed at renewal next year) and that we have to make payments of almost $300 for the first 3 months. Seriously? Like most families, we live paycheck to paycheck. Trying to figure out how to pay this is going to get interesting, but we will make it work someway, somehow. Next, I spent a half hour doing all the labs: pee in a cup and then let them take enough blood to quench a Cullen's appetite for two days. Next, move to another room and wait for the ultrasound machine to be ready.
10 a.m. we are finally in the ultrasound room. I casually joke with my midwife about how every one's talking about it being twins. She finds the baby and moves the magic wand to get a better look and wait-is that? Could it be? I was sitting straight up on the table and she's looking at me with big eyes and says "Do you see?" I am beaming and asking, "Is it? Is it really twins??" She tells me to hang tight a minute and let her get the doctor. I start hysterically laughing saying "Holy S-" and my husband is shushing me and laughing too. I couldn't help it.
In comes the doctor smiling as well. Let's take another look.
Baby number 1 is right on target: 8 weeks and 1 day, perfect size, perfectly strong heart rate of 173.
Baby number 2 is small. Measuring in at 6 weeks, 3 days and no heart beat. It had simply stopped growing and was no longer alive.
I.was.crushed.
From overjoyed five minutes earlier to feeling like someone had just reached inside my chest and pulled my heart straight out and was squeezing it. How? Why? Sometimes this just happens, they said. Everything looks great with baby number 1 though so I shouldn't worry.
What happens now? The doctor said because it is so early in the pregnancy, my body should just absorb the other baby. They are in two separate sacs so one should not affect the other. Let's do a follow up in two weeks. Yes, I am at a higher rate for a miscarriage now, but everything looks fine. Once we reach the 12 week mark then all worry should subside.
So they say.
I called my parents, then my co-workers. I was barely audible when I spoke. Everyone asked me if I was okay, and I gave a blunt and teary NO. My midwife said, "I'm going to tell you I'm sorry, and congratulations. Everything is going to be okay." I really want to believe that.
I spent the greater part of the day sobbing my eyes out. There was no history of miscarriage in my family and I had never had a miscarriage. I hadn't done anything wrong. It just happens sometimes. No real explanation. That didn't make me feel any better. I want answers.
My husband and I talked about it throughout the day. We both agreed it was better to find out now instead of later. We also both agreed that this is God's will, and while we don't understand it, we have to accept that He has a plan for us and everything is going to be okay.
On May 16th I will go back for an ultrasound. We are praying that everything with Baby number 1 is still right on target. In the meantime I will begin some research that I hope to share with you in the coming weeks on this.
I would love your feedback. Have you ever been through a similar situation or known anyone who has?
Amy
Thursday, May 2, 2013
The Big News
I'm 35 years old, married for 14 years to the love of my life, and I have two beautiful children ages 5 and 8. After my second child was born my husband and I decided right away that we were done. My son had been born 5 weeks premature and I had had a very uncomfortable pregnancy. So that was that. One girl. One boy. One big happy family.
Fast forward to when my son started Pre-K this past fall. My husband and I had been toying with the idea of adding on to our family, but both of us were concerned about getting "too old". Now I know there are lots and lots of women now a days that are having children way up in to their 40's. But seriously, how do they do it? Where do they get the energy and strength?? Maybe if it's their first and only child, but if they have other children I just don't know how they manage. I was 27 when my daughter was born and had a very easy pregnancy for the most part. My son was born when I was 30 and I swear from month 3 until he was delivered I had so much pain and discomfort that I said if he had been my first, he would have been an only child!
It's funny how after a while you forget all that. The pain, fear, worry and anxiousness. Especially when that "baby fever" starts picking at your insides. You know the feeling. You see babies EVERY WHERE you go. You start thinking about your age and how your biological clock seems to be ticking away. Your "babies" are no longer babies any more, and they don't seem to "need" you as much. But then you start to over think it and decide to wait a little while and see if that fever goes away right? Well after a year of contemplating, we decided to leave it in God's hands and let Him decide what was best for us. In November of 2012 I became birth control free.
It didn't take long at all for God's plan to be seen. In March, the stick turned pink and the whirlwind began. Family members were completely shocked; no one knew we were even thinking about it. (Which trust me, you don't want anyone to know when you're trying. You will be hounded and ultimately someone will embarrass you. Everyone has an opinion and you will get really tired of listening to it.) Even we were shocked that it happened so soon or even at all. I was afraid my clock had ticked out. I was overjoyed. Of course, we told EVERYONE right away. We've never waited before so why start now? I was only about 4 weeks along but it didn't matter, we were not waiting. It was a good thing too because I was sick right away and then my tummy started poking out very quickly.
You have to be further along, some said. It's twins, it has to be twins was the response of most. Double the sickness that I had with my first two children, double the showing of the belly, double the chest size! I knew it was twins. They run on both sides of the family, and I've always felt like I would have twins one day. Now we wait for the first ultra sound at 8 weeks to see!
I hope you will enjoying following along on my journey. I hope that my experiences and honest (albeit sarcastic as can be sometimes) feelings will help someone out there that could be experiencing the same thing. I actually started a craft blog about two years ago, with tutorials and reviews of some great craft and sewing projects. This year has been a roller coaster so far and I haven't been able to show that blog much love, but I felt compelled to start this one. As a mom, or soon to be mom, we need a place to vent or talk through a situation. To be able to get it all out before someone interjects. I'm all for advice and opinions, don't get me wrong. But sometimes you just have to get out your piece first. I've tried journals, but I'm not very dedicated to journal writing. Besides, I may get so wound up in a rant that I wouldn't be able to go back and read my own handwriting.
That's it for now but there is a lot more to come. If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment below!
Amy
Fast forward to when my son started Pre-K this past fall. My husband and I had been toying with the idea of adding on to our family, but both of us were concerned about getting "too old". Now I know there are lots and lots of women now a days that are having children way up in to their 40's. But seriously, how do they do it? Where do they get the energy and strength?? Maybe if it's their first and only child, but if they have other children I just don't know how they manage. I was 27 when my daughter was born and had a very easy pregnancy for the most part. My son was born when I was 30 and I swear from month 3 until he was delivered I had so much pain and discomfort that I said if he had been my first, he would have been an only child!
It's funny how after a while you forget all that. The pain, fear, worry and anxiousness. Especially when that "baby fever" starts picking at your insides. You know the feeling. You see babies EVERY WHERE you go. You start thinking about your age and how your biological clock seems to be ticking away. Your "babies" are no longer babies any more, and they don't seem to "need" you as much. But then you start to over think it and decide to wait a little while and see if that fever goes away right? Well after a year of contemplating, we decided to leave it in God's hands and let Him decide what was best for us. In November of 2012 I became birth control free.
It didn't take long at all for God's plan to be seen. In March, the stick turned pink and the whirlwind began. Family members were completely shocked; no one knew we were even thinking about it. (Which trust me, you don't want anyone to know when you're trying. You will be hounded and ultimately someone will embarrass you. Everyone has an opinion and you will get really tired of listening to it.) Even we were shocked that it happened so soon or even at all. I was afraid my clock had ticked out. I was overjoyed. Of course, we told EVERYONE right away. We've never waited before so why start now? I was only about 4 weeks along but it didn't matter, we were not waiting. It was a good thing too because I was sick right away and then my tummy started poking out very quickly.
You have to be further along, some said. It's twins, it has to be twins was the response of most. Double the sickness that I had with my first two children, double the showing of the belly, double the chest size! I knew it was twins. They run on both sides of the family, and I've always felt like I would have twins one day. Now we wait for the first ultra sound at 8 weeks to see!
I hope you will enjoying following along on my journey. I hope that my experiences and honest (albeit sarcastic as can be sometimes) feelings will help someone out there that could be experiencing the same thing. I actually started a craft blog about two years ago, with tutorials and reviews of some great craft and sewing projects. This year has been a roller coaster so far and I haven't been able to show that blog much love, but I felt compelled to start this one. As a mom, or soon to be mom, we need a place to vent or talk through a situation. To be able to get it all out before someone interjects. I'm all for advice and opinions, don't get me wrong. But sometimes you just have to get out your piece first. I've tried journals, but I'm not very dedicated to journal writing. Besides, I may get so wound up in a rant that I wouldn't be able to go back and read my own handwriting.
That's it for now but there is a lot more to come. If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment below!
Amy
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