My second child, my son, was born at 35 weeks gestation. The probability of having another baby early was high. My nerves were on edge leading up to the 35 week mark. I began nesting intensely in preparation for a possible early delivery. My husband said I was making him nervous and begging me to slow down. I couldn't slow down. Keeping busy was the only thing saving my sanity.
Finally we hit 35 weeks. The entire day I was on edge. I was so close to tears it wasn't even funny. When the day passed I was able to breathe a slight sigh of relief. We had made it one day further than I did with my son, which was a blessing. Each day that passed made me feel better.
Towards the end of the week though, I began having contractions. It was more like a continuous cramp, like a menstrual cramp. It became so bad that I couldn't help but let the tears flow. I was talking to my co-worker by phone and she made me go lay down for a while. So I did. I laid on my left side (as much as I could) for about an hour and a half. I managed to make it the rest of the work day and rested the remainder of the evening.
The next day I decided to call my OB since I was still having cramping. They wanted to see me right away. I went in and they did a check of my cervix. I had not dilated, no thinning, no signs of labor. Relief.
The following Monday I went in for my 36 week check up. I saw a different doctor this time. He measured my belly and said I was only measuring 30 centimeters. WHAT? I had been measuring 2 weeks ahead, then finally evened out to measure the same as my week. How did I go from 2 weeks ahead to 6 weeks behind? I had dropped again and wondered if that could be the case. Plus, my cervix had now thinned, the baby's head could be felt and I was dilated to a 2. The doctor said he wanted to do an ultrasound and stress test later in the week and continue to do them on a weekly basis. I went back in a couple days later for an ultra sound and it showed that the baby measured 33/34 weeks and was proportioned so everything was OK, I was just going to have a small baby. Guesstimate was 4 pounds 8 ounces at that time. So much for this one being my biggest baby.
The next day at work, that same doctor called me. He said he wanted me to have an umbilical screening at my next ultra sound. He said he wanted to make sure the baby was getting enough through the umbilical cord and if she was growing. If not, he would probably induce me. I asked if she could be small due to the fact that she started out a twin? He said he had thought of that and couldn't rule it out. So, for week 37 I was to have a stress test Monday, ultra sound with umbilical screening Tuesday, and another stress test on Thursday. Good grief.
I joked with co-workers and family that I would just walk the baby out over the weekend so I wouldn't have to go through all the extra testing.
On Friday night of week 36, my oldest, my daughter, came down with the stomach flu. By Saturday night I had it too. With this flu you couldn't eat, stayed nauseated, drinks tasted funny too. Finally on Sunday I found that drinking red Hawaiian Punch helped with the nausea so I had a couple of glasses.
A few hours later, the fun would really begin. The adventure that unfolded next would be life changing.
Please see my next post for a full detailed account of my delivery and what I incurred in the hours and days that followed. I am hoping my experience will help someone else that may go through a similar situation and give some first hand insight.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Friday, October 18, 2013
32 Weeks-Recommendation: Physical Therapy
T minus 8 weeks and counting.
If we make it that far. That's what I keep saying. Isn't that a favorite line for most pregnant women? You don't look like you could go any further, yet its highly possible you will go to the very end of term? My reason is different: my son was 5 weeks early. Supposedly, once you have one early, the rest are early. We'll just have to see how true this is.
Everything went great at the check up this week with the baby. For me, still undecided. My blood pressure was slightly elevated, 118/70 (I'm normally 100/60 or below, even when pregnant) but nothing to be concerned about. External cervix dilated but not internal, which the doctor told me was normal when you've had more than one child. Still having Braxton Hicks and the pain in my left left/groin is getting worse and worse. The doctor loved that I said I was cynical and a smart elic instead of crying. Much easier to deal with the hormonal crazy talking lady than the one that cries her eyes out. Even my poor husband would rather me be crazy than cry. He, nor most men bless, know what to do with a woman that's crying. And especially not this one. If I do cry, I get really angry and mad at myself that I let myself cry. See. Proof in point: crazy lady.
The OB said their was a secret weapon not utilized as much as it should be in pregnancy: physical therapy. She wants me to meet with one to help with the pain in my leg, as they are the experts and will know exactly what to do to help ease and release some of the tension. I haven't called them yet, still debating. I'm scared mostly at what it's going to cost, even with insurance. I'm a big girl, hopefully I can ride out the pain.
The pain is similar to that of the sciatic nerve (finally figured out how to spell it!). I have this searing pain that basically runs the length of my underwear line, but just on the left side. The OB made sure I didn't have a pelvic separation (OMG-Ouch! Can you imagine??) but thank goodness I don't. She said with the separation, it's usually painful on both sides. The other pain is to say that I think I know what a man must feel like to get kicked between the legs. Feels like I've been kicked repeatedly and swelling. All this makes trying to sleep look like a skit from SNL.
Yesterday I was in a town that had a Motherhood Maternity store, so I made a special stop in there. I bought the $20 maternity belt that became my best friend in my last pregnancy. I really wish I would have made the trip sooner. I ordered one online, but it had the hook and look fasteners and I outgrew it too fast. I love this one because it has Velcro that adjusts in two different places. It doesn't take away all the pain, but it does help lift the big old belly up a bit, relieving some of that stress and pain. In all 3 of my pregnancies now, each of the babies have been head down from at least 6 months on. Perfect for those little baseball swinging, guitar stringing, soccer ball kicking, dancing queen legs and arms to do major havoc on my reflux system.
So for now, I will more than likely continue to sleep on the couch, nap in the glider, and when my husband makes me feel guilty for leaving him alone (ha-my son always ends up in my place) I will try to sleep in the bed. Elevated. With more pillows and support cushions than a mattress store sells. These are the fun times of pregnancy!
Someone asked me at my baby shower if I was miserable yet, with that really sympathetic look like my pet died. Duh. I laughed. It's to be expected when you have had more than one birth and you are this far along. She couldn't believe that I was smiling and laughing about it and taking it so good. Look. This ain't my first rodeo. I knew what to expect for the most part. We just all have to find out what works best for us, bitch a little when we need to, and put on our big girl panties (don't get me started-I've changed 2 sizes up now) and deal with it.
Truth: Wouldn't have it any other way.
If we make it that far. That's what I keep saying. Isn't that a favorite line for most pregnant women? You don't look like you could go any further, yet its highly possible you will go to the very end of term? My reason is different: my son was 5 weeks early. Supposedly, once you have one early, the rest are early. We'll just have to see how true this is.
Everything went great at the check up this week with the baby. For me, still undecided. My blood pressure was slightly elevated, 118/70 (I'm normally 100/60 or below, even when pregnant) but nothing to be concerned about. External cervix dilated but not internal, which the doctor told me was normal when you've had more than one child. Still having Braxton Hicks and the pain in my left left/groin is getting worse and worse. The doctor loved that I said I was cynical and a smart elic instead of crying. Much easier to deal with the hormonal crazy talking lady than the one that cries her eyes out. Even my poor husband would rather me be crazy than cry. He, nor most men bless, know what to do with a woman that's crying. And especially not this one. If I do cry, I get really angry and mad at myself that I let myself cry. See. Proof in point: crazy lady.
The OB said their was a secret weapon not utilized as much as it should be in pregnancy: physical therapy. She wants me to meet with one to help with the pain in my leg, as they are the experts and will know exactly what to do to help ease and release some of the tension. I haven't called them yet, still debating. I'm scared mostly at what it's going to cost, even with insurance. I'm a big girl, hopefully I can ride out the pain.
The pain is similar to that of the sciatic nerve (finally figured out how to spell it!). I have this searing pain that basically runs the length of my underwear line, but just on the left side. The OB made sure I didn't have a pelvic separation (OMG-Ouch! Can you imagine??) but thank goodness I don't. She said with the separation, it's usually painful on both sides. The other pain is to say that I think I know what a man must feel like to get kicked between the legs. Feels like I've been kicked repeatedly and swelling. All this makes trying to sleep look like a skit from SNL.
Yesterday I was in a town that had a Motherhood Maternity store, so I made a special stop in there. I bought the $20 maternity belt that became my best friend in my last pregnancy. I really wish I would have made the trip sooner. I ordered one online, but it had the hook and look fasteners and I outgrew it too fast. I love this one because it has Velcro that adjusts in two different places. It doesn't take away all the pain, but it does help lift the big old belly up a bit, relieving some of that stress and pain. In all 3 of my pregnancies now, each of the babies have been head down from at least 6 months on. Perfect for those little baseball swinging, guitar stringing, soccer ball kicking, dancing queen legs and arms to do major havoc on my reflux system.
So for now, I will more than likely continue to sleep on the couch, nap in the glider, and when my husband makes me feel guilty for leaving him alone (ha-my son always ends up in my place) I will try to sleep in the bed. Elevated. With more pillows and support cushions than a mattress store sells. These are the fun times of pregnancy!
Someone asked me at my baby shower if I was miserable yet, with that really sympathetic look like my pet died. Duh. I laughed. It's to be expected when you have had more than one birth and you are this far along. She couldn't believe that I was smiling and laughing about it and taking it so good. Look. This ain't my first rodeo. I knew what to expect for the most part. We just all have to find out what works best for us, bitch a little when we need to, and put on our big girl panties (don't get me started-I've changed 2 sizes up now) and deal with it.
Truth: Wouldn't have it any other way.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
30 Weeks Pregnant and Braxton Hicks
I did a really, really dumb thing this weekend.
My daughter had her annual cheer leading performance at the fair Sunday. So, like I have in years past, we went early so she could ride until her heart was content, perform, and leave. We arrived at the fair a little before 11am and had to wait an hour for the rides to start. I thought everything opened at 10am. Ha. So, both kids rode rides and then her performance was at 2pm. We then left the fair, ran to the grocery store for some "had to have" items, and got home around 5pm that afternoon.
Dumb, dumb, dumb.
Monday I started having these cramps, similar to menstrual cramps, along with a lot of tightness in my tummy. Now I had felt this a couple of times last week and didn't think much about it. Monday was pretty rough so I decided to Google 30 weeks and cramps. 85% said the same thing: Braxton Hicks.
I had no clue.
These never occurred during my first 2 pregnancies. I always thought Braxton Hicks were supposed to be like the real thing, just false labor. Completely different feeling. Several of the forums I read said you may want to go to Labor and Delivery or call your doctor asap. It's Wednesday and I am still feeling them but honestly I'm not concerned yet. I think I just over did myself and need time to relax (which I haven't done yet). I think it's all up to you and whether or not you feel like you need to go. If I get up and walk around then it gets better. Some say, lay on your left side. Let me tell you something. I haven't been able to fully lay down now in about 2 weeks and I don't see that changing. I have to lay propped up, tilt the belly to the left, left leg laid to the side, right leg bent and up. Very lady like. But it's the only way I can rest and be able to get up the next day and actually be able to walk. It sucks.
I have my next appointment on the 15th, and I'm hoping I can go until then without having to call the OB. I am honestly so scared they will put me on bed rest that I don't want to call. I really think bed rest might physically kill me.
I would love to hear if anyone else has been through the Braxton Hicks and your experience. I'll update as soon as I can.
Amy
My daughter had her annual cheer leading performance at the fair Sunday. So, like I have in years past, we went early so she could ride until her heart was content, perform, and leave. We arrived at the fair a little before 11am and had to wait an hour for the rides to start. I thought everything opened at 10am. Ha. So, both kids rode rides and then her performance was at 2pm. We then left the fair, ran to the grocery store for some "had to have" items, and got home around 5pm that afternoon.
Dumb, dumb, dumb.
Monday I started having these cramps, similar to menstrual cramps, along with a lot of tightness in my tummy. Now I had felt this a couple of times last week and didn't think much about it. Monday was pretty rough so I decided to Google 30 weeks and cramps. 85% said the same thing: Braxton Hicks.
I had no clue.
These never occurred during my first 2 pregnancies. I always thought Braxton Hicks were supposed to be like the real thing, just false labor. Completely different feeling. Several of the forums I read said you may want to go to Labor and Delivery or call your doctor asap. It's Wednesday and I am still feeling them but honestly I'm not concerned yet. I think I just over did myself and need time to relax (which I haven't done yet). I think it's all up to you and whether or not you feel like you need to go. If I get up and walk around then it gets better. Some say, lay on your left side. Let me tell you something. I haven't been able to fully lay down now in about 2 weeks and I don't see that changing. I have to lay propped up, tilt the belly to the left, left leg laid to the side, right leg bent and up. Very lady like. But it's the only way I can rest and be able to get up the next day and actually be able to walk. It sucks.
I have my next appointment on the 15th, and I'm hoping I can go until then without having to call the OB. I am honestly so scared they will put me on bed rest that I don't want to call. I really think bed rest might physically kill me.
I would love to hear if anyone else has been through the Braxton Hicks and your experience. I'll update as soon as I can.
Amy
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
28 Weeks-Living With a Hormonally Charged Pregnant Woman
Since I had the tooth pulled, things started to look up. However, I had to eat on the opposite side of my mouth for two weeks, on a tooth that was also broken. I have another molar that needs pulling, and I have to be put to sleep. No dentist can get me numb enough to work on it or pull it. Yay me. What ended up happening? A nasty infection putting me in more searing pain than I was in before. I was hoping it was my sinus' acting up again so I took a trip back to the minute clinic, where they confirmed it was in fact my tooth and couldn't give me anything for it. I called my OB, and they said take Claritin and Tylenol, and call my dentist. Of course this was on the Friday before Labor Day and guess what? The dentist was closed already.
So on Saturday night, through tears and ice packs and hot compresses, I made the decision to go to the ER. I told them, I don't want pain medicine, I know I can't take it. If I could still have ibuprofen I think I could survive. But my face was swelling and it was obviously infected and I couldn't wait until Tuesday to see the dentist to get an antibiotic. PLEASE for the love all holy give me an antibiotic. They did. By the next night I was feeling relief.
I finally saw the dentist and they took an x-ray showing me the fluid by the tooth and told me to see what my OB would let me do. Of course the OB said it was better to wait but if it kept flaring up that I could be IV sedated and have it pulled. In the meantime, I can take antibiotics if I have a flare up. Praying I make it until after baby arrives.
So, for the title of my post. I have been a raging hormonal mess this pregnancy. Seriously, I can't stand myself some days. My first pregnancy was a breeze compared to my last one and now this one. My husband was on pins and needles waiting for me to go all psycho and I never did. My second pregnancy was quite painful with the pressure and sciatic nerve acting up, but I still kept my cool most of the time.
Is it because I'm older? Is it due to all the crap I have gone through so far this pregnancy? Is it just the hormones taking over? I may never know the answer to this one. But good grief! I've gone in to clean and neat freak frenzy. I still have the nesting urge, but I don't have the energy. Right now I can't seem to get enough sleep. It drives me nuts that I can't do all the things I want to do. My dear husband has to remind me that I'm pregnant and can't do it all. But why not?? I'm pregnant, not handicapped. If being pregnant means being handicapped then get me a tag for my car at least so I can park up front at the stores.
Everything seems to set me off. The dishwasher needs to be emptied. The trash needs to go out. Why are there dirty clothes all over the floor? Why do I have to go into "mom's been possessed" mode to get anyone to help me? Even then they just take cover instead of helping. I feel like times running out and we are so not prepared for baby girl to get here. The nursery hasn't even been started yet! 12 weeks to go and I have this fear that I will go early again. If I go 5 weeks early, then that means I have 7 weeks to go and that's what I keep looking at.
No wonder I'm nuts.
I always felt like some women took advantage of being pregnant. Being bossy, mean, moody. All of it controllable if they wanted to.
I've had to re-think that matter.
The best thing I have found for me, is to go out to our little farm every night and sit in the bench swing. It's cool enough now and the kids are in bed at an early hour for school, so I can enjoy some me time. I sit out there for anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours. It's how I unwind to sleep and so far it's helped.
Any suggestions for toning down the pregnancy hormones? If you made this far, again, congratulations and thank you!
Amy
So on Saturday night, through tears and ice packs and hot compresses, I made the decision to go to the ER. I told them, I don't want pain medicine, I know I can't take it. If I could still have ibuprofen I think I could survive. But my face was swelling and it was obviously infected and I couldn't wait until Tuesday to see the dentist to get an antibiotic. PLEASE for the love all holy give me an antibiotic. They did. By the next night I was feeling relief.
I finally saw the dentist and they took an x-ray showing me the fluid by the tooth and told me to see what my OB would let me do. Of course the OB said it was better to wait but if it kept flaring up that I could be IV sedated and have it pulled. In the meantime, I can take antibiotics if I have a flare up. Praying I make it until after baby arrives.
So, for the title of my post. I have been a raging hormonal mess this pregnancy. Seriously, I can't stand myself some days. My first pregnancy was a breeze compared to my last one and now this one. My husband was on pins and needles waiting for me to go all psycho and I never did. My second pregnancy was quite painful with the pressure and sciatic nerve acting up, but I still kept my cool most of the time.
Is it because I'm older? Is it due to all the crap I have gone through so far this pregnancy? Is it just the hormones taking over? I may never know the answer to this one. But good grief! I've gone in to clean and neat freak frenzy. I still have the nesting urge, but I don't have the energy. Right now I can't seem to get enough sleep. It drives me nuts that I can't do all the things I want to do. My dear husband has to remind me that I'm pregnant and can't do it all. But why not?? I'm pregnant, not handicapped. If being pregnant means being handicapped then get me a tag for my car at least so I can park up front at the stores.
Everything seems to set me off. The dishwasher needs to be emptied. The trash needs to go out. Why are there dirty clothes all over the floor? Why do I have to go into "mom's been possessed" mode to get anyone to help me? Even then they just take cover instead of helping. I feel like times running out and we are so not prepared for baby girl to get here. The nursery hasn't even been started yet! 12 weeks to go and I have this fear that I will go early again. If I go 5 weeks early, then that means I have 7 weeks to go and that's what I keep looking at.
No wonder I'm nuts.
I always felt like some women took advantage of being pregnant. Being bossy, mean, moody. All of it controllable if they wanted to.
I've had to re-think that matter.
The best thing I have found for me, is to go out to our little farm every night and sit in the bench swing. It's cool enough now and the kids are in bed at an early hour for school, so I can enjoy some me time. I sit out there for anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours. It's how I unwind to sleep and so far it's helped.
Any suggestions for toning down the pregnancy hormones? If you made this far, again, congratulations and thank you!
Amy
Third Trimester, The Dentist & The Birthday
I'm 24 weeks and officially in the 3rd trimester. Yay! However the last few weeks have been rather rough.
Two weeks ago a crown on my bottom left became loose. It drove me nuts! Finally it broke off and I had an appointment scheduled to remove the tooth...in September, over a month away! It had a rough edge and thankfully the dentist filed it down. In the meantime, I had to eat on the right side of my mouth where I also have a broken lower jaw tooth. It can't be filled or pulled with regular Novocaine. I have to be put to sleep by an oral surgeon. This is not possible while pregnant.
So, due to the broken crown, I ate on the right side down too with a broken tooth. Total mess. Then last week I started getting an earache on the right and my right tooth hurt too. Bad. Really bad. I went to the minute clinic and was calling my ob after hours bad. Sinus infection and worse on the right. Antibiotic and nada for pain.
Until my ob called back.
He said ibuprofen was safe during the 2nd trimester only, which meant I could have it until Sunday.
I could hear angels singing praise.
The dentist got me an earlier appointment to have the broken crown pulled. Yesterday. I was relieved and terrified all the same. It was a nightmare to get it out. He had to cut it into 2 pieces by the roots and pull each one. Apparently the tooth under the crown had been bad for some time and I never knew it. It kept breaking as he tried to pull it. An hour later it was out, but I wasn't so sure I didn't have a broken jaw!!
Interesting fact about dental work when pregnant: you can't have the regular Novocaine. You know, the kind that leaves you numb for several hours. The kind safe and approved for me lasted only about 45 minutes. Which meant by the time we made the 45 minute drive back home, sat in line at the pharmacy another 45 minutes, I thought I was dying. It seriously felt like I had been in a boxing match and lost.
At home, I let the approved pain medicine start to work and used cold ice packs. The downfall: the medicine kept me WIDE awake. I was so sure that today would be horrible.
Thankfully, today, my birthday, has been completely tolerable. I was pleasantly surprised. The kids were even on their best behavior for 24 hours before going bonkers tonight. And I was very selfish. I played the "it's my birthday, can't y'all please get along and mind?!" card tonight.
If you made it to the end, congrats! I should have posted more often and broken this in to multiple posts, but that medicine is not out of my system and I'm wide awake and mind is in overdrive!
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Pregnancy Randomness and Rants of a Hormonal Mom #1
Let's face it, as women in general we are very random human beings and do tend to go on some ranting venues every blue (or just full) moon. Myself, I bottle things up for the most part and don't say anything until I am at a breaking point, which typically scares the crap out of my family. I'm not alone in this, I know several of you are chuckling and nodding your heads. You know exactly what I'm talking about.
With pregnancy, those blasted hormones get in the way of all normal thinking. What would be a "normal" breaking point becomes close to the definition of what it takes to get admitted to a psych ward. This weekend for example, my 8 year old is mad because I won't let her have her way, so she says she is running away to Nana's. Usually, I would just get ill, have a nice little talking to with her, and be over it. Actually, I usually end up in a battle of the wits with her which drives me INSANE. But, she gets it honest. This time, I go to my husband and say "I'm just not speaking to her the rest of the day. I can't say or do anything right with her so I'm just not talking to her." Okay, childish much momma? If that wasn't bad enough, I start sobbing uncontrollably because she has hurt my feelings. (I already have a little complex that she loves her Nana more than me--again, I know I'm not the only mom with this feeling!) So what do I do? Lock myself in the bathroom.
I absolutely hate more than anything to cry. Very few movies make me cry and most of the ones that do are for good tears. Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman? OMG the church scene near the end will have me flowing like a waterfall. Love that movie. But, if you make me mad enough to cry, or my feelings get hurt enough to cry, then Lord help us all. And the feelings thing, usually has only occurred during pregnancy. At least since I've become an adult. If I cry, then I get furious with myself for crying. And I am probably going to cry on and off the rest of the day because of it.
So then my daughter gets upset that she has upset me. My husband, mom, and mother in law all agree that it wasn't a bad thing that it upset her. My loving 8 year old doesn't think about other people's feelings a lot of times so maybe this was an eye opener. (The Nana thing has been used on more than just me, more than once, and enough times to hurt multiple feelings.) While I agree that maybe it ended up being a good thing, it made me feel like worst mom of the year. MOM'S GONE CRAZY! Yep, that's me.
My poor husband would rather me be a start raving lunatic than for me to cry. He can laugh when I'm going on a tangent, or figure out what to do to calm me down and help. But crying. Nope. I don't think any man knows what to do with a crying woman. Honestly, neither do I!
Okay so that's my soap box for the day. I won't even get started on how bad the house looks and how I may have to hire a cleaning crew even though there are 3 other very capable beings in this house to help me out that just don't get it. That's all for now.
Happy Hump Day people!
Amy
With pregnancy, those blasted hormones get in the way of all normal thinking. What would be a "normal" breaking point becomes close to the definition of what it takes to get admitted to a psych ward. This weekend for example, my 8 year old is mad because I won't let her have her way, so she says she is running away to Nana's. Usually, I would just get ill, have a nice little talking to with her, and be over it. Actually, I usually end up in a battle of the wits with her which drives me INSANE. But, she gets it honest. This time, I go to my husband and say "I'm just not speaking to her the rest of the day. I can't say or do anything right with her so I'm just not talking to her." Okay, childish much momma? If that wasn't bad enough, I start sobbing uncontrollably because she has hurt my feelings. (I already have a little complex that she loves her Nana more than me--again, I know I'm not the only mom with this feeling!) So what do I do? Lock myself in the bathroom.
I absolutely hate more than anything to cry. Very few movies make me cry and most of the ones that do are for good tears. Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman? OMG the church scene near the end will have me flowing like a waterfall. Love that movie. But, if you make me mad enough to cry, or my feelings get hurt enough to cry, then Lord help us all. And the feelings thing, usually has only occurred during pregnancy. At least since I've become an adult. If I cry, then I get furious with myself for crying. And I am probably going to cry on and off the rest of the day because of it.
So then my daughter gets upset that she has upset me. My husband, mom, and mother in law all agree that it wasn't a bad thing that it upset her. My loving 8 year old doesn't think about other people's feelings a lot of times so maybe this was an eye opener. (The Nana thing has been used on more than just me, more than once, and enough times to hurt multiple feelings.) While I agree that maybe it ended up being a good thing, it made me feel like worst mom of the year. MOM'S GONE CRAZY! Yep, that's me.
My poor husband would rather me be a start raving lunatic than for me to cry. He can laugh when I'm going on a tangent, or figure out what to do to calm me down and help. But crying. Nope. I don't think any man knows what to do with a crying woman. Honestly, neither do I!
Okay so that's my soap box for the day. I won't even get started on how bad the house looks and how I may have to hire a cleaning crew even though there are 3 other very capable beings in this house to help me out that just don't get it. That's all for now.
Happy Hump Day people!
Amy
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Halfway There! Ultrasound Says....Marginal Placenta Previa
Tomorrow marks the 20 week bump! We are halfway there and it's hard to believe. This past Monday we had our gender revealing ultrasound. Based on heart rate of 145 the past few visits, how low I'm carrying, and the fact that I look like I've swallowed a basketball instead of the Pillsbury Dough Boy, we all thought I was having a boy. So when the nurse said, GIRL, I had to do a double take and question her! Another girl!!! Happy dance!
Don't get me wrong, I'd be just as happy with another hotwheel toting, Thomas the Train loving, Lightning McQueen fanatic. However, I can't make as many cute clothes for a boy as I can a girl. I didn't start sewing until my little diva was 2, and by then she was already highly opinionated in what she wore. And hair bows? Forget it. It's all I can do to get her to brush her hair. She's a tomboy priss pot, just like I was. What's going to be really exciting is making all 3 of them matching outfits for Christmas. As long as I can find a Christmas pattern that is gender neutral. :-)
We didn't see a doctor on Monday and were told we have to wait until our next appointment on August 1st to review the ultrasound. As luck would have it though, I ended up fighting a sore throat that only got worse and I had to go back in yesterday. That's when the doctor told me I have what is known as "marginal placenta previa". Apparently the placenta is sitting partially over the cervix right now, but he hopes that as the baby grows, the placenta will move up to where it is supposed to be. Of course I asked him, what if it doesn't? If it becomes complete or even partial, we are looking at a C-section. Not what I wanted to hear.
I had very little complications during my prior two child births. They were both long: 13 hours and 11 hours. With my first, the umbilical cord was too close to her neck and with every contraction it caused her heart rate to decrease. They had to put fluid back in me to get her floating. Because of this, I only received one small round of pain meds in the very beginning. I was a total She-Ra. No epidural.
My water broke with my son 5 weeks early. The contractions were slim and I was not dilating quick enough, so they gave me Petocin. Had I know ahead of time what Petocin did, I would have demanded an epidural first. Instead, I endured about over half the labor with intense pain. I tucked my tail between my legs and got the epidural.
I really do not want a C-Section. The recovery is longer, half the time or more there is a big gaping scar, complications that can arise. I just don't want one.
But, I am putting this, like everything else, in God's hands and asking for His will to be done. I'm trying to look at the plus sides to a C-Section. 1), because this is not my first child, I stand a higher chance of them tying my tubes while in there. 2), I can hopefully choose my due date. If so, then I choose the day before Thanksgiving, giving me extra time off work-paid. Now, if they would do a Britney Spears bikini cut C-Section, that might be okay too.
Time will tell. I go for a follow up ultrasound in 6 weeks to see if it's moved at all. I'm not sure if bed rest will be required if it becomes a complete placenta previa. That's the only thing I've allowed myself to read about. Most women that have posted on the subject has been complete split reviews. Some say they were on complete, some on "couch potato" bed rest, and some their doctors thought no activity was actually worse. The doctor warned me not to read into it too much, it might freak me out more than necessary. So we'll take this one bridge at a time.
I'll update again after the next ultrasound, and in between if anything else arises. Hope you all are enjoying your summer!
Amy
Don't get me wrong, I'd be just as happy with another hotwheel toting, Thomas the Train loving, Lightning McQueen fanatic. However, I can't make as many cute clothes for a boy as I can a girl. I didn't start sewing until my little diva was 2, and by then she was already highly opinionated in what she wore. And hair bows? Forget it. It's all I can do to get her to brush her hair. She's a tomboy priss pot, just like I was. What's going to be really exciting is making all 3 of them matching outfits for Christmas. As long as I can find a Christmas pattern that is gender neutral. :-)
We didn't see a doctor on Monday and were told we have to wait until our next appointment on August 1st to review the ultrasound. As luck would have it though, I ended up fighting a sore throat that only got worse and I had to go back in yesterday. That's when the doctor told me I have what is known as "marginal placenta previa". Apparently the placenta is sitting partially over the cervix right now, but he hopes that as the baby grows, the placenta will move up to where it is supposed to be. Of course I asked him, what if it doesn't? If it becomes complete or even partial, we are looking at a C-section. Not what I wanted to hear.
I had very little complications during my prior two child births. They were both long: 13 hours and 11 hours. With my first, the umbilical cord was too close to her neck and with every contraction it caused her heart rate to decrease. They had to put fluid back in me to get her floating. Because of this, I only received one small round of pain meds in the very beginning. I was a total She-Ra. No epidural.
My water broke with my son 5 weeks early. The contractions were slim and I was not dilating quick enough, so they gave me Petocin. Had I know ahead of time what Petocin did, I would have demanded an epidural first. Instead, I endured about over half the labor with intense pain. I tucked my tail between my legs and got the epidural.
I really do not want a C-Section. The recovery is longer, half the time or more there is a big gaping scar, complications that can arise. I just don't want one.
But, I am putting this, like everything else, in God's hands and asking for His will to be done. I'm trying to look at the plus sides to a C-Section. 1), because this is not my first child, I stand a higher chance of them tying my tubes while in there. 2), I can hopefully choose my due date. If so, then I choose the day before Thanksgiving, giving me extra time off work-paid. Now, if they would do a Britney Spears bikini cut C-Section, that might be okay too.
Time will tell. I go for a follow up ultrasound in 6 weeks to see if it's moved at all. I'm not sure if bed rest will be required if it becomes a complete placenta previa. That's the only thing I've allowed myself to read about. Most women that have posted on the subject has been complete split reviews. Some say they were on complete, some on "couch potato" bed rest, and some their doctors thought no activity was actually worse. The doctor warned me not to read into it too much, it might freak me out more than necessary. So we'll take this one bridge at a time.
I'll update again after the next ultrasound, and in between if anything else arises. Hope you all are enjoying your summer!
Amy
Monday, June 10, 2013
First Trimester Completed!
Finally, we are done with the first trimester and entering the second. Now, where's that magic button that changes the symptoms and such immediately with it? It doesn't exist? Very unfair.
One thing that has improved is the extreme nausea. Of course the urge to eat hasn't died down any, but a few extra calories are needed. I eat a small breakfast, usually an early lunch, snack in the afternoon and eat more than I should for supper. It works and my weight gain is pretty much on track. So far, I have gained a total of about 7 pounds, but that's after loosing about 4. Not too bad, even though if you saw my belly you might disagree. I'm not brave enough to post those photos yet, but soon.
One thing that I wish would improve is my lack of patience. They said "patience is a virtue". What the crap does that mean anyway?? It's a characteristic one either has or learns that allows them to patiently await something without agitation or frustration. Yeah....not happening these days. I can patiently wait for my 2 children to stop ignoring me and do what I ask of them rather than begging/pleading/screaming and smile all day like Mary Friggin Poppins. Or deal with ignorant drivers that are trying to kill me speeding up and down the highway. Let me just start singing "zipadeedooda".
Are you laughing yet? I'm sure my little rant is quite funny, but ask my hubby, don't laugh in my presence when I'm in a wild tangent.
The nausea has subsided for the most part, but I'm still tired. I have a little more energy during the day but when I crash, I CRASH. Getting up is getting harder and harder, but thankfully school just let out for summer and I can get an extra hour to an hour and a half of sleep in the mornings. IF my bladder will let me.
Another oh so fun side effect right now is acid reflux. I swear I don't know which is worse: constant pain from heartburn/indigestion, or the urge to puke continuously due to the reflux. Bring on the ice cream.
Rant over. More soon!
Thanks for sticking around or just stopping by. Hopefully my little chaotic world will bring some much needed laughter in to yours.
Amy
One thing that has improved is the extreme nausea. Of course the urge to eat hasn't died down any, but a few extra calories are needed. I eat a small breakfast, usually an early lunch, snack in the afternoon and eat more than I should for supper. It works and my weight gain is pretty much on track. So far, I have gained a total of about 7 pounds, but that's after loosing about 4. Not too bad, even though if you saw my belly you might disagree. I'm not brave enough to post those photos yet, but soon.
One thing that I wish would improve is my lack of patience. They said "patience is a virtue". What the crap does that mean anyway?? It's a characteristic one either has or learns that allows them to patiently await something without agitation or frustration. Yeah....not happening these days. I can patiently wait for my 2 children to stop ignoring me and do what I ask of them rather than begging/pleading/screaming and smile all day like Mary Friggin Poppins. Or deal with ignorant drivers that are trying to kill me speeding up and down the highway. Let me just start singing "zipadeedooda".
Are you laughing yet? I'm sure my little rant is quite funny, but ask my hubby, don't laugh in my presence when I'm in a wild tangent.
The nausea has subsided for the most part, but I'm still tired. I have a little more energy during the day but when I crash, I CRASH. Getting up is getting harder and harder, but thankfully school just let out for summer and I can get an extra hour to an hour and a half of sleep in the mornings. IF my bladder will let me.
Another oh so fun side effect right now is acid reflux. I swear I don't know which is worse: constant pain from heartburn/indigestion, or the urge to puke continuously due to the reflux. Bring on the ice cream.
Rant over. More soon!
Thanks for sticking around or just stopping by. Hopefully my little chaotic world will bring some much needed laughter in to yours.
Amy
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Patience and Stress During Pregnacy
A lack of patience and high stress levels are not good for anyone, much less a pregnant woman. I wonder why it is that we can get so wound up? Hormones. Always those blasted hormones. There should be a hormone blocker we could take.
Typically I'm high strung, but, how do I put it, I don't have confrontations with people. I take and take and take and then I might eventually blow, but it takes A LOT. I'm high strung when it comes to housework, school work, getting everything done in a 24 hour period that would normally require double that. But I don't get "ill" with people.
Case in point. I went off like a bat out of you know where today on my co-workers. One little statement put me over the edge. Half the time I can't tell if they are joking or being smartelics but I take it. I don't let things get me worked up. I hate confrontation and typically feel so bad if I have one that I can't sleep at night. I'm a small town girl working with big city girls. I'm the red headed step child and constantly picked on. Whatever, we have fun with it. Most of the time. Today was not the day.
So, now what do we do to calm these raging hormones? Go for a walk? Read a book? Find a quiet place? I have 2 children already, a husband, dog, cat and a farm. There is NO QUIET PLACE. My husband works 2nd shift so I'm here most nights with the kids by myself when I get off work. I can't afford a babysitter and when all the family members work, no one wants to watch the kids for me. So I can't have any "quiet time" to cool down. It used to be that doing my crafts calmed me down, but everything is so chaotic. If I can't do my crafts without interruption then I just get stressed all over again.
Everything I read on Baby Center talks about saying "No" and asking for help, talking to your partner (ha! he's probably more stressed than you are!!), deep breathing, go for a walk, go to bed early, eat healthy, yada yada. Look, it's not that I'm not trying. I am eating healthy and I'm "talking" to my husband (and he seems to be getting more and more terrified of me by the day), but as far as going to be early? I'm lucky if I can get in the bed before midnight. I would love to go to bed earlier but it never happens. By the time I get the kids down, and back in bed, and fill up sippy cups, and back in bed, then fix dinner for my husband (who gets home usually after they are in bed), get my shower and lay down...it's midnight.
So, I'm looking for some "let's get real here" techniques to calming down. Actually, typing this little blog here has already seemed to have lowered my heart rate back to normal. Maybe just having a place to vent is what you need. I'm going to put this as my number one way to calm stress:
Journaling
Whether it be a blog, a notebook, a diary, just pick something. After it's all said and done you may want to go back and read it one day for a good laugh. Or, save it for a daughter or one day daughter in law. Man, I wish my mom would have kept journals. It would be nice to see what she went through and how she did it. Or, if you are more private, toss it when you're done.
Okay I know this got kind of long and there are no fun pictures to look at. But if you are sticking with me on this (or find it years to come), I hope you are enjoying. I'd love to hear from you on ways to maintain your stress levels. I'm up for any option!
Amy
Typically I'm high strung, but, how do I put it, I don't have confrontations with people. I take and take and take and then I might eventually blow, but it takes A LOT. I'm high strung when it comes to housework, school work, getting everything done in a 24 hour period that would normally require double that. But I don't get "ill" with people.
Case in point. I went off like a bat out of you know where today on my co-workers. One little statement put me over the edge. Half the time I can't tell if they are joking or being smartelics but I take it. I don't let things get me worked up. I hate confrontation and typically feel so bad if I have one that I can't sleep at night. I'm a small town girl working with big city girls. I'm the red headed step child and constantly picked on. Whatever, we have fun with it. Most of the time. Today was not the day.
So, now what do we do to calm these raging hormones? Go for a walk? Read a book? Find a quiet place? I have 2 children already, a husband, dog, cat and a farm. There is NO QUIET PLACE. My husband works 2nd shift so I'm here most nights with the kids by myself when I get off work. I can't afford a babysitter and when all the family members work, no one wants to watch the kids for me. So I can't have any "quiet time" to cool down. It used to be that doing my crafts calmed me down, but everything is so chaotic. If I can't do my crafts without interruption then I just get stressed all over again.
Everything I read on Baby Center talks about saying "No" and asking for help, talking to your partner (ha! he's probably more stressed than you are!!), deep breathing, go for a walk, go to bed early, eat healthy, yada yada. Look, it's not that I'm not trying. I am eating healthy and I'm "talking" to my husband (and he seems to be getting more and more terrified of me by the day), but as far as going to be early? I'm lucky if I can get in the bed before midnight. I would love to go to bed earlier but it never happens. By the time I get the kids down, and back in bed, and fill up sippy cups, and back in bed, then fix dinner for my husband (who gets home usually after they are in bed), get my shower and lay down...it's midnight.
So, I'm looking for some "let's get real here" techniques to calming down. Actually, typing this little blog here has already seemed to have lowered my heart rate back to normal. Maybe just having a place to vent is what you need. I'm going to put this as my number one way to calm stress:
Journaling
Whether it be a blog, a notebook, a diary, just pick something. After it's all said and done you may want to go back and read it one day for a good laugh. Or, save it for a daughter or one day daughter in law. Man, I wish my mom would have kept journals. It would be nice to see what she went through and how she did it. Or, if you are more private, toss it when you're done.
Okay I know this got kind of long and there are no fun pictures to look at. But if you are sticking with me on this (or find it years to come), I hope you are enjoying. I'd love to hear from you on ways to maintain your stress levels. I'm up for any option!
Amy
Monday, May 20, 2013
Follow Up Ultrasound 10 Weeks
While I was secretly hoping there was a mistake and I was still caring twins, this was not the case. However, it was still good news. Baby #1 is growing right on track! The arms and legs are even starting to develop! It was an amazing moment, the one I have been waiting for. Hearing that heartbeat, seeing the baby move around and discovering just how much growing has taken place over the past couple of weeks.
Baby #2 has absorbed just as they predicted. You can see just a tiny fleck in the 2nd sac that is still present. The sac will more than likely stick around through out the pregnancy, although it shouldn't get any larger. This is part of the reason I look so much bigger than 11 weeks.
11 WEEKS!!
Almost out of this dreaded 1st Trimester business. I'm hoping to enjoy the 2nd trimester. Typically the energy starts picking back up, you feel more of a safety zone, and you get to find out the gender! Now that's something I'm really excited for. I can't wait to start planning everything. I already have colors picked out for a boy and for a girl. No specific theme this time though. Just simple.
Another good bit of news, the OB told me I can gradually start increasing my activity as long as I feel okay. I go back in 3 weeks for a follow up and then I can go to regular monthly visits from there. I already feel like such a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I know that I am going to have to be more cautious this entire pregnancy but, I believe God has this and will not bring me to anything that He cannot bring me through. It's still hard not to think about what might have been with twins, but I keep trying to focus on the good and the fact that I have a healthy baby growing in my tummy right now. We got this!
Look for more updates to come! Thank you all for your continued prayers!
Amy
Baby #2 has absorbed just as they predicted. You can see just a tiny fleck in the 2nd sac that is still present. The sac will more than likely stick around through out the pregnancy, although it shouldn't get any larger. This is part of the reason I look so much bigger than 11 weeks.
11 WEEKS!!
Almost out of this dreaded 1st Trimester business. I'm hoping to enjoy the 2nd trimester. Typically the energy starts picking back up, you feel more of a safety zone, and you get to find out the gender! Now that's something I'm really excited for. I can't wait to start planning everything. I already have colors picked out for a boy and for a girl. No specific theme this time though. Just simple.
Another good bit of news, the OB told me I can gradually start increasing my activity as long as I feel okay. I go back in 3 weeks for a follow up and then I can go to regular monthly visits from there. I already feel like such a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I know that I am going to have to be more cautious this entire pregnancy but, I believe God has this and will not bring me to anything that He cannot bring me through. It's still hard not to think about what might have been with twins, but I keep trying to focus on the good and the fact that I have a healthy baby growing in my tummy right now. We got this!
Look for more updates to come! Thank you all for your continued prayers!
Amy
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Second Ultra Sound Today
In 2 hours and 30 minutes to be exact. This is my first ultra sound since finding out about one of the twins not surviving. I'm more optimistic this go round, even though I'm extremely anxious and nervous. I'm really hoping this will be my shinning moment to relish my new baby bambino growing in my tummy.
I will try to post again tonight the outcome and any new information I am able to obtain. I have a long list of questions for my OB that I didn't get to discuss at my last visit. I'm already experiencing similar pain that I had with my son, all that pressure and the pysotic (sp?) nerve. I went grocery shopping the other night and by the time I got home I could hardly walk. I really hope this pregnancy will not be as painful as the last one was. But that's a story for another day.
Keep us in your prayers!
Amy
I will try to post again tonight the outcome and any new information I am able to obtain. I have a long list of questions for my OB that I didn't get to discuss at my last visit. I'm already experiencing similar pain that I had with my son, all that pressure and the pysotic (sp?) nerve. I went grocery shopping the other night and by the time I got home I could hardly walk. I really hope this pregnancy will not be as painful as the last one was. But that's a story for another day.
Keep us in your prayers!
Amy
Monday, May 13, 2013
10 Weeks and Counting
Officially 10 weeks today and counting down to the next appointment. Back to the OB on Thursday afternoon for the follow up ultrasound. After the first ultrasound didn't go so well, I really need this one. You need that first one to confirm what you already know: that you're pregnant, but it sort of makes it all more a reality. Since my appointment was split news, I never really got my "a ha!" moment or moment of joy. Looking forward to Thursday.
Right now I'm trying not to over think things and just be patient. I have a nasty sinus infection and I really hope they can put me on some type of antibiotic when I go. I'd go early to the doctor, but there is no chance of an earlier ultrasound, so I'm holding out as long as I can.
I'll update by Friday with the results. Please keep us in your prayers!
Amy
Right now I'm trying not to over think things and just be patient. I have a nasty sinus infection and I really hope they can put me on some type of antibiotic when I go. I'd go early to the doctor, but there is no chance of an earlier ultrasound, so I'm holding out as long as I can.
I'll update by Friday with the results. Please keep us in your prayers!
Amy
Monday, May 6, 2013
9 Weeks Today
Today marks 9 weeks into the pregnancy. Another week and 3 days until I can go back for my next ultra sound. Yes, I am most definitely counting down. There is this part of me that is praying and begging for the last ultra sound to be a mistake. Is it possible to be carrying babies that are a couple weeks apart? Rare, but possible. It's called Superfetation. You can already be pregnant and another egg release, and it can happen up to 24 days apart. Which my doctor agreed was possible, but she couldn't find a heart beat on the ultra sound. I'm wondering though, if it was just too early to tell?
I'm trying real hard not to get my hopes up about this. The main thing is focusing on Baby #1 being as healthy as he/she can be.
I'm also secretly hoping that there is a 3rd baby in there that was missed. The reason I am hoping this is completely crazy I'm sure. Have you ever done the "pencil test"? I grew up where you put a threaded needle in the eraser end of a pencil, then hold the pointed end of the pencil over your wrist. It begins to move. A circle means girl, back and forth is a boy. Mine shows girl, pause, boy, pause a little longer and then girl-immediately goes to boy. I wonder if this means actually births or just pregnancy? Anyone ever experience this? Am I just reaching out on a limb so far it's going to break?
Graciously looking for any advice or experience anyone out there may have had. Trying not to drive myself completely insane before the next appointment!
Amy
I'm trying real hard not to get my hopes up about this. The main thing is focusing on Baby #1 being as healthy as he/she can be.
I'm also secretly hoping that there is a 3rd baby in there that was missed. The reason I am hoping this is completely crazy I'm sure. Have you ever done the "pencil test"? I grew up where you put a threaded needle in the eraser end of a pencil, then hold the pointed end of the pencil over your wrist. It begins to move. A circle means girl, back and forth is a boy. Mine shows girl, pause, boy, pause a little longer and then girl-immediately goes to boy. I wonder if this means actually births or just pregnancy? Anyone ever experience this? Am I just reaching out on a limb so far it's going to break?
Graciously looking for any advice or experience anyone out there may have had. Trying not to drive myself completely insane before the next appointment!
Amy
Friday, May 3, 2013
The First Ultrasound and The Heartbreak
Okay, let me first start this out by saying that I am still pregnant. But our first ultrasound did not go as planned.
The night before I couldn't sleep good at all. From 3:30 a.m. on I looked at the clock every 15 minutes. Our appointment was at 8:30 and we were told to be there 15 minutes early, but they didn't even open until 8:30. There were 4 other cars in the parking lot by the time they opened the doors and I was the first one standing at the door. My husband said, "we're never on time, much less early. What's gotten in to you?" I was just anxious.
I knew, without a doubt, that it was twins. But I also had a nagging feeling something was wrong. That's not something I said out loud to anyone though because family would have questioned me to death. I couldn't explain it if I wanted to. A mom just knows.
We spent the first half hour of the appointment going over the insurance information, finding out that our insurance deductible is way too high (and that will be changed at renewal next year) and that we have to make payments of almost $300 for the first 3 months. Seriously? Like most families, we live paycheck to paycheck. Trying to figure out how to pay this is going to get interesting, but we will make it work someway, somehow. Next, I spent a half hour doing all the labs: pee in a cup and then let them take enough blood to quench a Cullen's appetite for two days. Next, move to another room and wait for the ultrasound machine to be ready.
10 a.m. we are finally in the ultrasound room. I casually joke with my midwife about how every one's talking about it being twins. She finds the baby and moves the magic wand to get a better look and wait-is that? Could it be? I was sitting straight up on the table and she's looking at me with big eyes and says "Do you see?" I am beaming and asking, "Is it? Is it really twins??" She tells me to hang tight a minute and let her get the doctor. I start hysterically laughing saying "Holy S-" and my husband is shushing me and laughing too. I couldn't help it.
In comes the doctor smiling as well. Let's take another look.
Baby number 1 is right on target: 8 weeks and 1 day, perfect size, perfectly strong heart rate of 173.
Baby number 2 is small. Measuring in at 6 weeks, 3 days and no heart beat. It had simply stopped growing and was no longer alive.
I.was.crushed.
From overjoyed five minutes earlier to feeling like someone had just reached inside my chest and pulled my heart straight out and was squeezing it. How? Why? Sometimes this just happens, they said. Everything looks great with baby number 1 though so I shouldn't worry.
What happens now? The doctor said because it is so early in the pregnancy, my body should just absorb the other baby. They are in two separate sacs so one should not affect the other. Let's do a follow up in two weeks. Yes, I am at a higher rate for a miscarriage now, but everything looks fine. Once we reach the 12 week mark then all worry should subside.
So they say.
I called my parents, then my co-workers. I was barely audible when I spoke. Everyone asked me if I was okay, and I gave a blunt and teary NO. My midwife said, "I'm going to tell you I'm sorry, and congratulations. Everything is going to be okay." I really want to believe that.
I spent the greater part of the day sobbing my eyes out. There was no history of miscarriage in my family and I had never had a miscarriage. I hadn't done anything wrong. It just happens sometimes. No real explanation. That didn't make me feel any better. I want answers.
My husband and I talked about it throughout the day. We both agreed it was better to find out now instead of later. We also both agreed that this is God's will, and while we don't understand it, we have to accept that He has a plan for us and everything is going to be okay.
On May 16th I will go back for an ultrasound. We are praying that everything with Baby number 1 is still right on target. In the meantime I will begin some research that I hope to share with you in the coming weeks on this.
I would love your feedback. Have you ever been through a similar situation or known anyone who has?
Amy
The night before I couldn't sleep good at all. From 3:30 a.m. on I looked at the clock every 15 minutes. Our appointment was at 8:30 and we were told to be there 15 minutes early, but they didn't even open until 8:30. There were 4 other cars in the parking lot by the time they opened the doors and I was the first one standing at the door. My husband said, "we're never on time, much less early. What's gotten in to you?" I was just anxious.
I knew, without a doubt, that it was twins. But I also had a nagging feeling something was wrong. That's not something I said out loud to anyone though because family would have questioned me to death. I couldn't explain it if I wanted to. A mom just knows.
We spent the first half hour of the appointment going over the insurance information, finding out that our insurance deductible is way too high (and that will be changed at renewal next year) and that we have to make payments of almost $300 for the first 3 months. Seriously? Like most families, we live paycheck to paycheck. Trying to figure out how to pay this is going to get interesting, but we will make it work someway, somehow. Next, I spent a half hour doing all the labs: pee in a cup and then let them take enough blood to quench a Cullen's appetite for two days. Next, move to another room and wait for the ultrasound machine to be ready.
10 a.m. we are finally in the ultrasound room. I casually joke with my midwife about how every one's talking about it being twins. She finds the baby and moves the magic wand to get a better look and wait-is that? Could it be? I was sitting straight up on the table and she's looking at me with big eyes and says "Do you see?" I am beaming and asking, "Is it? Is it really twins??" She tells me to hang tight a minute and let her get the doctor. I start hysterically laughing saying "Holy S-" and my husband is shushing me and laughing too. I couldn't help it.
In comes the doctor smiling as well. Let's take another look.
Baby number 1 is right on target: 8 weeks and 1 day, perfect size, perfectly strong heart rate of 173.
Baby number 2 is small. Measuring in at 6 weeks, 3 days and no heart beat. It had simply stopped growing and was no longer alive.
I.was.crushed.
From overjoyed five minutes earlier to feeling like someone had just reached inside my chest and pulled my heart straight out and was squeezing it. How? Why? Sometimes this just happens, they said. Everything looks great with baby number 1 though so I shouldn't worry.
What happens now? The doctor said because it is so early in the pregnancy, my body should just absorb the other baby. They are in two separate sacs so one should not affect the other. Let's do a follow up in two weeks. Yes, I am at a higher rate for a miscarriage now, but everything looks fine. Once we reach the 12 week mark then all worry should subside.
So they say.
I called my parents, then my co-workers. I was barely audible when I spoke. Everyone asked me if I was okay, and I gave a blunt and teary NO. My midwife said, "I'm going to tell you I'm sorry, and congratulations. Everything is going to be okay." I really want to believe that.
I spent the greater part of the day sobbing my eyes out. There was no history of miscarriage in my family and I had never had a miscarriage. I hadn't done anything wrong. It just happens sometimes. No real explanation. That didn't make me feel any better. I want answers.
My husband and I talked about it throughout the day. We both agreed it was better to find out now instead of later. We also both agreed that this is God's will, and while we don't understand it, we have to accept that He has a plan for us and everything is going to be okay.
On May 16th I will go back for an ultrasound. We are praying that everything with Baby number 1 is still right on target. In the meantime I will begin some research that I hope to share with you in the coming weeks on this.
I would love your feedback. Have you ever been through a similar situation or known anyone who has?
Amy
Thursday, May 2, 2013
The Big News
I'm 35 years old, married for 14 years to the love of my life, and I have two beautiful children ages 5 and 8. After my second child was born my husband and I decided right away that we were done. My son had been born 5 weeks premature and I had had a very uncomfortable pregnancy. So that was that. One girl. One boy. One big happy family.
Fast forward to when my son started Pre-K this past fall. My husband and I had been toying with the idea of adding on to our family, but both of us were concerned about getting "too old". Now I know there are lots and lots of women now a days that are having children way up in to their 40's. But seriously, how do they do it? Where do they get the energy and strength?? Maybe if it's their first and only child, but if they have other children I just don't know how they manage. I was 27 when my daughter was born and had a very easy pregnancy for the most part. My son was born when I was 30 and I swear from month 3 until he was delivered I had so much pain and discomfort that I said if he had been my first, he would have been an only child!
It's funny how after a while you forget all that. The pain, fear, worry and anxiousness. Especially when that "baby fever" starts picking at your insides. You know the feeling. You see babies EVERY WHERE you go. You start thinking about your age and how your biological clock seems to be ticking away. Your "babies" are no longer babies any more, and they don't seem to "need" you as much. But then you start to over think it and decide to wait a little while and see if that fever goes away right? Well after a year of contemplating, we decided to leave it in God's hands and let Him decide what was best for us. In November of 2012 I became birth control free.
It didn't take long at all for God's plan to be seen. In March, the stick turned pink and the whirlwind began. Family members were completely shocked; no one knew we were even thinking about it. (Which trust me, you don't want anyone to know when you're trying. You will be hounded and ultimately someone will embarrass you. Everyone has an opinion and you will get really tired of listening to it.) Even we were shocked that it happened so soon or even at all. I was afraid my clock had ticked out. I was overjoyed. Of course, we told EVERYONE right away. We've never waited before so why start now? I was only about 4 weeks along but it didn't matter, we were not waiting. It was a good thing too because I was sick right away and then my tummy started poking out very quickly.
You have to be further along, some said. It's twins, it has to be twins was the response of most. Double the sickness that I had with my first two children, double the showing of the belly, double the chest size! I knew it was twins. They run on both sides of the family, and I've always felt like I would have twins one day. Now we wait for the first ultra sound at 8 weeks to see!
I hope you will enjoying following along on my journey. I hope that my experiences and honest (albeit sarcastic as can be sometimes) feelings will help someone out there that could be experiencing the same thing. I actually started a craft blog about two years ago, with tutorials and reviews of some great craft and sewing projects. This year has been a roller coaster so far and I haven't been able to show that blog much love, but I felt compelled to start this one. As a mom, or soon to be mom, we need a place to vent or talk through a situation. To be able to get it all out before someone interjects. I'm all for advice and opinions, don't get me wrong. But sometimes you just have to get out your piece first. I've tried journals, but I'm not very dedicated to journal writing. Besides, I may get so wound up in a rant that I wouldn't be able to go back and read my own handwriting.
That's it for now but there is a lot more to come. If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment below!
Amy
Fast forward to when my son started Pre-K this past fall. My husband and I had been toying with the idea of adding on to our family, but both of us were concerned about getting "too old". Now I know there are lots and lots of women now a days that are having children way up in to their 40's. But seriously, how do they do it? Where do they get the energy and strength?? Maybe if it's their first and only child, but if they have other children I just don't know how they manage. I was 27 when my daughter was born and had a very easy pregnancy for the most part. My son was born when I was 30 and I swear from month 3 until he was delivered I had so much pain and discomfort that I said if he had been my first, he would have been an only child!
It's funny how after a while you forget all that. The pain, fear, worry and anxiousness. Especially when that "baby fever" starts picking at your insides. You know the feeling. You see babies EVERY WHERE you go. You start thinking about your age and how your biological clock seems to be ticking away. Your "babies" are no longer babies any more, and they don't seem to "need" you as much. But then you start to over think it and decide to wait a little while and see if that fever goes away right? Well after a year of contemplating, we decided to leave it in God's hands and let Him decide what was best for us. In November of 2012 I became birth control free.
It didn't take long at all for God's plan to be seen. In March, the stick turned pink and the whirlwind began. Family members were completely shocked; no one knew we were even thinking about it. (Which trust me, you don't want anyone to know when you're trying. You will be hounded and ultimately someone will embarrass you. Everyone has an opinion and you will get really tired of listening to it.) Even we were shocked that it happened so soon or even at all. I was afraid my clock had ticked out. I was overjoyed. Of course, we told EVERYONE right away. We've never waited before so why start now? I was only about 4 weeks along but it didn't matter, we were not waiting. It was a good thing too because I was sick right away and then my tummy started poking out very quickly.
You have to be further along, some said. It's twins, it has to be twins was the response of most. Double the sickness that I had with my first two children, double the showing of the belly, double the chest size! I knew it was twins. They run on both sides of the family, and I've always felt like I would have twins one day. Now we wait for the first ultra sound at 8 weeks to see!
I hope you will enjoying following along on my journey. I hope that my experiences and honest (albeit sarcastic as can be sometimes) feelings will help someone out there that could be experiencing the same thing. I actually started a craft blog about two years ago, with tutorials and reviews of some great craft and sewing projects. This year has been a roller coaster so far and I haven't been able to show that blog much love, but I felt compelled to start this one. As a mom, or soon to be mom, we need a place to vent or talk through a situation. To be able to get it all out before someone interjects. I'm all for advice and opinions, don't get me wrong. But sometimes you just have to get out your piece first. I've tried journals, but I'm not very dedicated to journal writing. Besides, I may get so wound up in a rant that I wouldn't be able to go back and read my own handwriting.
That's it for now but there is a lot more to come. If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment below!
Amy
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